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Tuesday 21 December 2010

Top 5 Releases You Don't Want This Christmas

Remember that time you looked under the Christmas tree to find a game-shaped present, opened it and found Shadow The Hedgehog (4/10), put it in your PS2 eagerly having played other Sonic games and then thought "some people are just sick"? Sometimes your parents are going to get it wrong or make stupid assumptions, and inspired by GamesRadar's hilarious feature, I've found the items you DO NOT want under the tree:
5. THE EXPENDABLES- I can picture it now: your mum knows you're into Sylvester Stallone and/or Bruce Willis flicks, so sees them both on the cover of the DVD for this absolutely soulless movie and thinks "I'll be the best Mum ever for finding this!". Truth is she won't, and by the time this is done rotating in your DVD drive the entire living room will be silent (or loud to drown it out) with boredom.
4. MEDAL OF HONOUR- So your folks couldn't afford Call of Duty: Black Ops (it happens), and went for the cheaper, likely half-price option...bad move. Medal of Honour felt like a major stop-gap modern shooter, and did nothing unseen before, and will more than likely make you want to stop playing with its atrocious graphics.
3. ANNUALS- There's a good chance if you're reading this that you hate annuals anyway, but there's just as much of a chance that your misguided grannies will see the book that suits your favourite TV show and pick it up at a cheap price. Trouble is, the simplistic (nay patronising) content will mean it gets chucked- fast.
2. JAMES BOND: BLOOD STONE- Remember the new Bond film that just came out where Daniel Craig travelled across the world for a series of repetitive shootouts? Of course you don't, 'cause that would be the worst 007 flick ever (although Quantum of Solace came damn close). Blood Stone is a game which simply reeks of mediocrity, and one which will quickly lose its appeal once you've got over "Wow, I'm James Bond!"
1. DOCTOR WHO: RETURN TO EARTH- Disregard my previous 6/10 review in this case- even if you are a hardcore fan like myself, this horrifically rubbish Nintendo Wii game will be very hard to stomach on December 25th. Honestly, though the cover does a decent job of masking the broken game-play and 1990s visuals, once you put this inside your console you'll feel like you're being repeatedly smacked across the face.

1 comment:

  1. Also missing out on a place in this prestigous list: Scott Pilgrim VS The World; Iron Man 2 The Video Game; Just Dance 2/Michael Jackson The Experience; an iPad (yeh, I hate the fact it's a novelty) and/or Amazon Kindle (awkward much?)

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